Looking

I always feel like I'm looking for something. And it's something that I haven't found anywhere. No solace, no hope, no joy. Not in a person, not in a cup, not in my job, not in a piece of fruit.
I can't find it.
I'm missing something and I can't find it. And it doesn't help that I don't know what it is. Maybe if I knew what it was I would be able to find it. Maybe it wouldn't be missing.

My mother asks me why I'm always irrationally angry, or why I always seem to have a sourpuss on. And to be honest, I don't know. But why does anyone do anything? Maybe it's part of what I'm looking for.
Maybe it's part of who I am. Maybe what I'm looking for is supposed to help with the sourpuss.

If only I knew what I was looking for.